While I won’t say that being a stay at home mom (SAHM) is
harder than being a working mom, I will readily admit that I am more stressed
out now than I was as a working mom. And it’s not because of the kids. It’s
because of stay at home moms.
You ladies stress me out for several reasons.
One, so many of you seem incredibly happy to have children. Not in the “I love my children more than anything” kind of happy. More so the “My life was never meant to be anything more than this” kind of way. And that’s so foreign to me. I never wanted children.
You ladies stress me out for several reasons.
One, so many of you seem incredibly happy to have children. Not in the “I love my children more than anything” kind of happy. More so the “My life was never meant to be anything more than this” kind of way. And that’s so foreign to me. I never wanted children.
(GASP!!! The horror of a mother admitting that. I know, I
know. Take a minute to recover from the shock…)
Seriously. I never wanted them. I didn’t even want them when
I was pregnant with my first. I am thankful now that Brett talked me out of an
abortion, but it was something I seriously considered because I truly did not
want kids. I wasn’t happy about my body not being my own anymore. I wasn’t
happy about my body being “ruined” by pregnancy. I wasn’t happy with the
thought of waking up every few hours to feed a screaming baby, or change a
diaper, or find a pacifier, or any of the things that go along with having
children. I was especially not happy about the thought of how it would mess up
my career.
But you professional mommies… that’s a dream come true for you. You go into mass amounts of detail about how your bodies changed and you became this life-giving goddess, and your lives changed, and it was love at first sight when you first held your child (something I did not experience), and it’s so magical and special to you all that it makes me feel like a freak that I don’t feel the same way.
In the working world, I rarely encountered that with another woman. In fact, I rarely encountered other women my age that even had children. The ones that did would tell stories about their kids, but most didn’t delve into such detail about their parenting techniques, or how their labors went, or if their kids were pooping on schedule. We had other things going on and our personal lives were kept pretty much personal. Therefore, there was nothing to compare the way it is with SAHMs. Parenting is your job and you compare it the way we would compare interview notes.
Which brings me to point two: I am better with adults than children and stay at home moms seem to have the kid thing down.
Again, I can compare articles I’ve written or bounce ideas for articles off my coworkers. But let me start planning things for kids and it’s “we’ll make crafts out of paper plates, go to the park, go to the library and then eat a healthy snack. That’ll take care of the first… 3 hours only!?!?!”
But SAHMs it down. Or so it seems. I’m not saying they do for real, but they sure do know how to make it look like they do when they post pictures on Facebook of Bento lunches they made while simultaneously breast feeding two children and repainting the Mona Lisa. And speaking of the Mona Lisa, what the hell kind of artistic kids are you women birthing? My child is just now coloring inside the lines at age 4 and some of you have 1 year olds that can knit sweaters for the homeless.
My problem is that I don’t have the patience for kids. I barely have patience for adults. I can play with kids. I can talk to kids. I interact fine with my kids. I just feel like I’m doing it wrong when I see how seasoned SAHMs do things with their kids.
And the way you do things is stressful to me. Point three is that sometimes I feel like less of a mother and less of a woman because I am not baby wearing twins on my back and teaching a toddler Latin while picking an all organic, vegan lunch from the garden in my back yard. While that may seemed far fetched to some, I assure you it isn’t. I have Facebook friends that do these things. And even though I did not want children, when I decided I would have them, I made the decision to do what’s best for them.
For me, that included breastfeeding as long as I could. Great, right? Not for some SAHMs, and they’ll tell you all about how your child is going to have a horrible immune system, have mommy issues, only look at breasts as sex objects, and a whole host of other things to drive home the point that Breast is Best. And don’t you dare tell them that maternity leave only lasts six weeks and while it would be nice to still pump breast milk for your child while working, some jobs just don’t allow for that to happen. No, if you tell them that, they’ll tell you you’re selfish.
I also chose to cloth diaper. It’s good for the environment and for children with sensitivities to the chemicals in disposable diapers. That’s a fantastic choice, right? Well, that really depends on the brand you use, the type of diaper rash cream, if you use a reusable wet bag, and on and on and on! And this type of scenario applies to all things parenting and it started to feel like I was making parenting decisions that were better for the SAHMs I know than for my own children.
And that really stressed me out. Because the whole purpose of me becoming a work at home mom (WAHM) was for the good of my children. And they are happy children, healthy children, well adjusted, funny, intelligent, independent, kind, loving children. And when they play with other children it doesn’t matter to them if little Bonnie on the playground was breastfed or not, has two moms or two dads, or not, eats organic or canned fruit, or not, so why should it matter to me what other SAHMs/WAHMs are doing as long as their children are also healthy, loved, and taken care of?
But you professional mommies… that’s a dream come true for you. You go into mass amounts of detail about how your bodies changed and you became this life-giving goddess, and your lives changed, and it was love at first sight when you first held your child (something I did not experience), and it’s so magical and special to you all that it makes me feel like a freak that I don’t feel the same way.
In the working world, I rarely encountered that with another woman. In fact, I rarely encountered other women my age that even had children. The ones that did would tell stories about their kids, but most didn’t delve into such detail about their parenting techniques, or how their labors went, or if their kids were pooping on schedule. We had other things going on and our personal lives were kept pretty much personal. Therefore, there was nothing to compare the way it is with SAHMs. Parenting is your job and you compare it the way we would compare interview notes.
Which brings me to point two: I am better with adults than children and stay at home moms seem to have the kid thing down.
Again, I can compare articles I’ve written or bounce ideas for articles off my coworkers. But let me start planning things for kids and it’s “we’ll make crafts out of paper plates, go to the park, go to the library and then eat a healthy snack. That’ll take care of the first… 3 hours only!?!?!”
But SAHMs it down. Or so it seems. I’m not saying they do for real, but they sure do know how to make it look like they do when they post pictures on Facebook of Bento lunches they made while simultaneously breast feeding two children and repainting the Mona Lisa. And speaking of the Mona Lisa, what the hell kind of artistic kids are you women birthing? My child is just now coloring inside the lines at age 4 and some of you have 1 year olds that can knit sweaters for the homeless.
My problem is that I don’t have the patience for kids. I barely have patience for adults. I can play with kids. I can talk to kids. I interact fine with my kids. I just feel like I’m doing it wrong when I see how seasoned SAHMs do things with their kids.
And the way you do things is stressful to me. Point three is that sometimes I feel like less of a mother and less of a woman because I am not baby wearing twins on my back and teaching a toddler Latin while picking an all organic, vegan lunch from the garden in my back yard. While that may seemed far fetched to some, I assure you it isn’t. I have Facebook friends that do these things. And even though I did not want children, when I decided I would have them, I made the decision to do what’s best for them.
For me, that included breastfeeding as long as I could. Great, right? Not for some SAHMs, and they’ll tell you all about how your child is going to have a horrible immune system, have mommy issues, only look at breasts as sex objects, and a whole host of other things to drive home the point that Breast is Best. And don’t you dare tell them that maternity leave only lasts six weeks and while it would be nice to still pump breast milk for your child while working, some jobs just don’t allow for that to happen. No, if you tell them that, they’ll tell you you’re selfish.
I also chose to cloth diaper. It’s good for the environment and for children with sensitivities to the chemicals in disposable diapers. That’s a fantastic choice, right? Well, that really depends on the brand you use, the type of diaper rash cream, if you use a reusable wet bag, and on and on and on! And this type of scenario applies to all things parenting and it started to feel like I was making parenting decisions that were better for the SAHMs I know than for my own children.
And that really stressed me out. Because the whole purpose of me becoming a work at home mom (WAHM) was for the good of my children. And they are happy children, healthy children, well adjusted, funny, intelligent, independent, kind, loving children. And when they play with other children it doesn’t matter to them if little Bonnie on the playground was breastfed or not, has two moms or two dads, or not, eats organic or canned fruit, or not, so why should it matter to me what other SAHMs/WAHMs are doing as long as their children are also healthy, loved, and taken care of?
