The "Other" Set of Parents That Made Me Not Want Children

I have been waiting for the perfect time to write this blog, especially after typing my first post about stay-at-home-moms. When I wrote that post, I divided the mom (parenting) groups into two categories of parents who bothered me the most. One was the over-achieving types that make having babies seem as easy as tying your shoes. The other was those that make parenting seem like the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of humanity.
I started with the over achieving parents, because they were honestly the hardest to discuss. At least they talk about how much they love their children, and while I will admit to heavy sighs, huge eye rolls, snorts of credulous laughter and fun gossip sessions with Jeri and Amanda about these parents, at least I know their children are being cared for and loved.
With the other group, not so much. And that group makes me have flashbacks to my own childhood. I despise that group. THAT group was the number one influence for me not wanting children. To those in that group: It’s your turn.
We’ve all seen it. The parents who have THE WORST kids ever. They won’t sit still. They won’t be quiet. They won’t eat. They won’t sleep. They won’t play on their own. They always need something. They fight. They scream. They cry. They laugh. They act like… well, kids. You know, those tiny, amazingly intelligent, curious, resilient people we are responsible for raising? Yet, some parents seem to think their kids are like puppies and should be paper trained within a few weeks. I see it. I know you see it. The complaints… always with the complaining!
“Little Bobby cried because I told him he couldn’t go outside and play. Does this kid do nothing but cry?”
“Little Susie won’t sleep at night. I like to get at least 10 hours of sleep every night. She’s four weeks old, shouldn’t she be sleeping by now?”
“I don’t understand why Joanie can’t sit still. She’s six. She should be calming down by now. Maybe she has some disorder. What do you think?”
And on and on and on. I once posted pictures of my kids covered in mud, playing in the rain, having a blast… and right below it was a post from a chronic complainer about her kid tracking mud in when he took the trash out. The thing that struck me the most was when she ended it with something like this:
“Johnny is always getting dirty. I swear, this kid does it just to make me mad.”
Yes. Of course. Your child’s sole purpose in life is to make you angrier than you already clearly are. So glad you figured that little psychopath out before he was let loose on society. (/sarcasm)
This is not to say that we don’t all have our moments, or even full days, weeks, or months, with our children. I remember M didn’t sleep a full night for her whole first year. I was not a fan of that child when bed time rolled around. But when she smiled at me, and did all those cute baby things, I couldn’t be too mad. Most well-balanced parents would say the same, no matter how sleep deprived they are. I’m not referring to those parents (here’s looking at you, Amanda, because I know you are thinking I may be hinting at you… I am not!). Venting is ok and normal.
I am talking about those parents that have nothing nice to say ever. The ones who were clearly delusional that having children was going to be easy. The ones who love attention and sympathy. The ones who like to have little punching bags (be it verbal or physical) and want a reason to justify treating their children that way, so they complain about the child’s very existence.
Those parents made me think having kids wasn’t for me, and even when I had kids and they weren’t as bad as these people made it out to be I thought maybe it was because I wasn’t a SAHM (that was the group I found to be the repeat offenders in the over-complaining department), and that made me think I should never be a SAHM.
Then I became a work-from-home-mom, and you know what? It wasn’t that hard. It wasn’t that easy. But it wasn’t a daily nightmare of screaming, poop, dirt, tears, and breakdowns. And even on days when I did experience all or some of the above (believe me, there were plenty) I could always find something funny in it. My kids frustrated me, sure, but they weren’t doing it just to do it. They were being kids. And how can you be mad at that?
Something these parents obviously have forgotten is what it’s like to be a child. Having kids has reminded me of the things I loved to do as a kid, and that is one of the many reasons I am happy I chose to be a mom. When I was a kid, I loved playing in the rain. I loved running around half naked, and getting into mud, and catching frogs and bugs, and camping in the backyard, and jumping on the bed, and playing dress up, and trying to bake, and building forts, and so much more. And I STILL love to do those things, so why wouldn’t my kids? When do we forget what it’s like to be small?
That’s not all we forget, though. Parents, trust me when I say your kids won’t remember everything they did wrong, but they will remember how you treated them when they made a mistake. Little Johnny may not remember why or how he tracked in the mud, but he will remember his mom publicly shaming him and talking bad about him.
If you take a learning opportunity and squander it to bitch about your kids, you have no one but yourself to blame when your kids don’t learn from their mistakes. You have no one but you to look at when you go trying to find where things went wrong.
Kids are fantastic. The way they view the world is magical. They can have fun with a stick, which is something to be praised. Their laughter is contagious. Their curiosity is inspiring. They are tough. They are loving and kind. They are our future, and they are being raised by us. Remember that when you go to say something like “kids these days.” They are being raised by negative, miserable, bitchy people like YOU. And no one in their right mind is feeling sorry for YOU. We feel sorry for your children being raised by someone like you.